dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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