i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
