He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
