Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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