I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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