Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
we're making bets on your personal life
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
