I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
