he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
