even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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