I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
