There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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