sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
