the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Randomize
