He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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