You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
