please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
