I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize