U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
