I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
