You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Randomize
