I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Jerry, you need to find god
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
