**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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