My balls are so social today.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
