i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Randomize
