my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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