Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
