Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
