I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
