there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
