I just saw a hot homeless man
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
