Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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