Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
