the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
