Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
