im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
is that a dick in a sweater?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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