What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
