last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
