I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
