maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
