I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
