Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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