Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
