If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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