I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
