it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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