And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
