Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
