So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
