you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
