I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Randomize
