woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
